Monday, 31 December 2007

MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS - AGAIN!!!


So its that time of the year when you bid farewell to the old year and welcome the new year. A time for another excuse to party and spend the night outdoors. Some might stay indoors, while some lucky naughty ones get to stay indoors, albeit OUTSIDE THEIR OWN HOMES. [:p]. Its that time of the year when all Astrologers and some new wannabe-astrologers play with words and pull out random prophecies from their list of cliched statements. The cunning ones make combinations of 2 or more previously used statements from archives to evade being found out. But they'd rather not waste their time on it. Don't they know that we fools are gonna read their columns anyway? Its that time of the year when not only family and friends, but even people who would otherwise not even wanna see each others' faces suddenly develop bonhomie and greet each other with a smile. Of course, the next day things go back to normal and the back stabbing resumes from where it left off 2 days prior.



Its also that time of the year when EVERYONE makes New Year's Resolutions. Some might not openly admit it, but the truth is that everyone has a plan for the coming year. I've racked my brains a lot, and have come up with my list of 10 Resolutions (okay okay, I did'nt really rack my brains a lot, many of 'em are carried forward from the previous year, but it does take some effort to remember things you made on 31st December the last year and forgot on 1st January :p). So here's my list:




  1. I resolve to get myself physically fit by losing a few tonnes in weight. Well, this is one Resolution that I've been bringing forward from the past 5 years, its only the figure of the magnitude of weight to lose that changes every year. And that figure has been showing an increasing trend. Its not a nice thing to know that "Meri PAUNCH bahut door tak hai".

  2. I resolve to either do everyhing possile to regain some of my lost hair, or to get rid of the scanty vegetation all together. I'm sick of the 'left side to right side' Rajat Sharma hairdo.

  3. I shall never openly admit that I'm a teetotaller or a non-smoker. I'm not happy with the titles of "Bournvita King" and "Horlicks Champion".

  4. I shall keep my Heart to myself. Wish I'd made this Resolution two years back.

  5. I shall stop reading Horoscopes. Bejan Daruwala, Marjorie Orr, Sunita Menon, etc etc, I boycott thee all. (Just gimme a break of a week okay..I'll be back. I know you peeps already know it).

  6. I shall avoid trying to mime Keralite and other South-Indian accents. Too much of trying has really made my L's thick and I've begun to unconsciously speak like a mallu. I am partly Mallu (1/3rd Mallu, keep guessing how come :d), but still, I used to enjoy it when people took wild guesses about my ethnicity and never got it right.

  7. I shall not give too much importance to people who don't deserve it. I shall stop assuming that relationships and friendships can last forever if you are loyal and committed.

  8. I shall learn to dance. Another brought-forward item. I suspect you'll be seeing this in my next year's Resolution List as well.

  9. I shall learn atleast one musical instrument for sure this year. I promise not to break the guitar in frustration if I don't get the B and F chords right. I really do want to graduate from playing Air-Guitars and Air-Drums. I've played Air-Bass Guitar as well, can you do that?

  10. I shall post on my blog more regularly. And I shall find more decent and respectable methods to garner comments on my blog posts, than posting on the "Leave a comment on the blog above" post in the Bloggers community on orkut.......hmm no...I strike out the last sentence. Typed it in a drunken state,I'm sorry. How can I even think that's possible? :p

So there you go. that was my list for 2008. Hope the coming year is better than the year passing by. WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


And hey, if you do comment here (plz do so..plz plz plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :p), let it be in the form of a few of your own resolutions.


See y'all NEXT YEAR.

Sunday, 23 December 2007

CORPORATE DISCOVERIES




After a 15 month sabbatical from an 'Office' job, or rather a "Non-family Office' job, I've finally found myself a job in a really BIG BPO. I've finally become a member of the corporate sector. Joined on the 10th. It's been a great experience so far, and I find myself exposed to a culture that's very different from what I've been exposed to so far. I've discovered a lot of things, some really shocking (call me naive if you want to, aisa hi hoon main :p). Read on to see whether you've ever felt the same, and feel like disputing my claim that these are MY discoveries.

  • There's no one in the organisation whom you would need to address as 'Sir' or 'Madam'. Which gives you a nice feeling. A feeling that all are equal. Until, of course, the day comes when everyone gets their paychecks. [:p]

  • Everyone is supposed to converse in English. Except in the elevator, the cafeteria, in the company bus, while using the staircase, in the loo, in the smoking zone, in the classroom when your 'Trainer'/'Team Leader'/'Team Manager'/'Operations Head'/'Other Superiors I've never come across just yet', are not around. So basically, you're supposed to speak in English only when you know you're being watched.


  • Everyone speaks in English. But some speak English that's a level higher and beyond the comprehension of the others. Actually, it's beyond the comprehension of any English Scholar too. It's supernatural. All the past Queens of England would turn in their graves at the speed of light if they had to hear those gems[:P]

  • The smoking zone was a really new concept to me. never before had I been exposed to sooooooooo many smokers at the same time. Almost a 100 of 'em puffing away to glory, in perfect harmony. And 40% of them are females. And to think that prior to the 10th of December, I had never found myself amidst more than 2 smokers.


  • To admit that you're a teetotaller is a complete No-No. It is like self-proclaiming yourself as "Horlicks Champion" or "Bournvita King". And you risk being hailed as the same daily, if not every 5 minutes. And no, these are not titles to be proud of. (That was for peeps who're more naive than me).


  • You risk losing your sense of appreciation for beauty (read Pretty Young Things). There are just TOO MANY of them all over the place. Even the superiors and Trainers look great (no kidding!!!) So much beauty to behold, so little time. No wonder you lose interest very soon.


  • The staircase is NOT to be used to navigate up and down floors. They are meant for mini-parties, mehndi applications, gossip, and the likes. They are mainly meant for COUPLES who desperately need to steal some private time. And God Forbid if you ever happen to disturb any couple from the dozens out there by mistake (really, it was by mistake :p), you should hang your head down and walk by as if you saw nothing. I haven't seen anything till date, so don't ask me for details.


  • There are CCTV's all over. And they'll work only when you yourself one day decide to test their prowess.


  • There are lots of activities. Games that help to break the ice between colleagues. And they're really fun, till the time its your turn to perform a forfeit and do a Shakira belly-dancing item. And there are many occasions when you have to introduce yourself stating your name, age, previous working experience, likes and dislikes. Its a nice thing, but it really can get on your nerves when you have to say the same things 2 dozen times in less than a dozen hours, to different people. Why don't they record it once and for all and play it for anyone who really wants to know about us? [:P]

But nevertheless, I've made a lot of friends in no time. Hopefully they'll be my friends for life. And I've met some amazing trainers who're really down-to-earth, sporting, who can laugh at themselves, and who personify teamwork. I've met some who command a lot of respect, and I can't help but respect them, coz they really deserve every bit of it.



Still more discoveries to make. Hope none of my superiors come across this. And even if they do, look, I've said some good things too. So don't be too harsh on me, okay guys? Lemme not discover that I've been fired for CORPORATE BLASPHEMY!

Tuesday, 11 December 2007

I'VE BEEN TAGGED - DWITIYA


So Nids aka SSNAB has done a 'noble' deed indeed by tagging me, and thus ensuring that I have something to add to my somewhat stagnant blog. I'll repay her 'Act of kindness' someday, hopefully. "High Hopes", I'm sure she's thinking. I think so too. :p

So here are 8 facts about me:-


  1. I have a very uncommon name for an Indian. The Catholic population might be substantial in India, but Christopher is not a name that's used very often. So, my name gets mis-pronounced a lot. And I guess the fact that a name is uncommon gives others the liberty to mis-pronounce it, or to intentionally pronounce it as they will. I've been given names like Krishnappa, Krrishh, Krishna, Mustafa, and the list goes on. Which is why I prefer people using my middle name, Roshan.My nickname is 'Crato'. How I earned it is a pretty long story. People took liberties to mispronounce my name, or use rhyming words to make it more memorizable. So Christopher was sometimes replaced with words like Grasshopper, Philosopher and the likes. One such term was a geographical term, "Stratosphere", so some friends called me Cratosphere, which later got cropped to Crato. And they stuck with it. And I love it today. Only close friends call me that.
  2. I'm a very lazy person. But once I start doing something, I would'nt stop till it's all done perfectly. For instance, I'd feel really lazy to clean up my closet. But if I start, I would'nt stop till everything is spotless clean. I'm perfection-obsessed in a way.
  3. I'm not someone who likes meeting new people. Meeting people on the net is a different thing, but I like to interact only with people who I feel have the potential to remain friends forever. In other words, I'd rather have friends for life than just Hi-Bye friends. Which is probably the reason why I have only a handful of trusted friends. When I decide to call someone my friend, I invest all my trust, all my caring, 100% in that relationship, and so if I don't get the same in return, I get upset. So, I don't like going through a long process of identifying a potential friend, getting to know him/her, sharing my life and my emotions, giving a part of myself, and bonding. That's why I hate attending parties and outings, unless I know each and everyone present.

  4. I love all kinds of music. ALL kinds. Except of course the genres which i don't consider music at all. I listen to Pop, Rock, Techno, Filmi, Ghazals, Metal,Grunge,etc etc. But i HATE Rap, Hiphop and Trance.

  5. I can't dance. Most non-dancers have 2 left feet. But I have 2 left feet and 7 right feet, so you can understand how imbalanced my 'Attempted dance steps' are.

  6. I am very emotional. I can get hurt at very small, and sometimes stupid things. And all my emotions are extreme.

  7. I rarely forget my friends' birthdays. And I always expect ALL my friends to wish me on mine. I actually make a note of who wished me and who didn't. And I never dispose off birthday gifts. Even if they get old, or break, or if they weren't usable from the very beginning, or they didn't fit me, whatever, I still keep them. And I keep them for life. I even keep the gift wrapping paper.

  8. I eat to live. And I live to eat as well. I'm a complete foodie. I only avoid foods that are unconventional (read weird). Otherwise I never make a fuss. Which is why, today I can match any WWE wrestler in the weight category.


So well, these are the 8 things about me. I hereby Tag all the people who read this post. IF U DO NOT ACCEPT THE TAG, YOU WILL HAVE BAD LUCK FOR 10 YEARS, 7 MONTHS and 238 DAYS. DO NOT IGNORE IT AND PASS IT OFF AS A JOKE :P. Adios

Sunday, 9 December 2007

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED


Well, I'm a relatively new blogger. I'd been hearing a lot about people being TAGGED, and I kept wondering what that meant. Ms.Harini tried her best to explain to me the nuances of being Tagged, and I don't really know if I understood anything at all. Nevertheless, I'm proceeding. So Guru Maiyya (Harini), here I go.


1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it - Well, I have one between my upper lip and my nose, which has become a hairless, fair thin line contrasting with my now dark complexion. Doesn't look like a scar though, looks more like as if I urgently need to wipe my nose [:d] Earned when I fell and my face knocked against a steel bedpost when I was 3.



2. What does your phone look like? - I had a Nokia 7250i. Lost it on March 30 2007. Since then, I've been using a Nokia torchlight piece, that's blue in colour. Dunno which model....like anyone would wanna know.



3. What is on the walls of your bedroom? - Nothing at all, except dried blue paint. When I sleep, I prefer closing my eyes. Can't see much in the dark anyway.



4. What is your current desktop picture? - Windows XP default. Call me boring, or too lazy to choose one. Or maybe I'm too distracted with other things on the net to think about Desktop Pictures [:p]



5. Do you believe in gay marriage? - Believe as in do they happen? Yeah, I believe they happen. Do I approve of em? To each his own, if they really feel they've found true love in their respective partners, and are committed to staying together forever, its ok, I guess.



6. What do you want more than anything right now? - A Happy Life, with that 'someone' to share it with. Alas, if only dreams were horses....



7. Last person who made you cry? - Nevermind.



8. What is your favorite perfume/cologne? - Nothing in particular actually. Actually, I haven't really tried too many brands. Among the Deos, Jovan Musk was good, and Cigar was good. Among perfumes, Brut and Jovan Sex Appeal.



9. What are you listening to? - Lotsa Paki stuff, their bands are really good yaar. I recommend AAROH and FUZON. Helps to have Paki netpals to keep you updated :)



10. Do you get scared of the dark? - Nope



11. Do you like pain killers? - Nah. Music and TV are my painkillers.



12. Are you too shy to ask someone out? - Of course I am...but then again, I wouldn't ask just anyone out. Rarely met someone like that.



13. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? - Anything, I'm not too fussy about food. Just that it should be something that's conventionally edible and doesn't arouse the nauseal glands.



14.Who was the last person who made you mad? - A placement agency female. She started in Broken English. I carried on in chaste tehzeeb waali Hindi, just to make her more comfortable. She got a little too comfortable for comfort, and started addressing me as "TU", "TERE KO" etc while I kept addressing her as "Aap". It was a complete put off.



15. Who was the last person who made you smile? - My Dog, Rocky actually. Last night, he jumped up on my bed and slept on my feet like a baby



16. Is someone in love with you? - Kaash. And so much better if it was mutual too.



Ok, so I'm done. Hope this is a proper tag post. Do comment. And Guru Maiyya, You ought to be the first who commented

Tuesday, 4 December 2007

ऐ - काश


ऐ - काश कि हम कभी मिले ही न होते,
गुलज़ार दिल में कभी खिले ही न होते,
न लगने लगता सच हर सपना,
उम्मीद के दामन कभी मिले ही न होते।

उन झील-सी आँखों में डूब ही न जाते,
उन प्यारी बातों में खो ही न पाते,
उस मासूमियत, उस भोलेपन,
उन कमसिन अदाओं से बहल ही न जाते।

जो मिलते नहीं तो बिछड ही न जाते,
ये रेत के महल कभी फ़ना ही न होते,
न पल-पल दर्द का आलम होता,
ये अश्क के साग़र कभी बने ही न होते।

हम काफ़िर कभी बने ही न होते,
यकीन-ए-इश्क से कभी हिले ही न होते,
यूँ मौत न आती तिनका-तिनका ,
ऐ-काश कि हम कभी मिले ही न होते।

Tuesday, 16 October 2007

VOTE 'EM TO RICHES


So you love those reality talent hunt shows eh? Shows where YOU get to choose who the winner is. Where the show hosts encourage you to pick up your phone and dial in the code of your favourite contestant, or sms your favourite contestant's name to vote for him and ensure that he survives for yet another week, and maybe even go on to win. Feels great to be in control, right? And after all, you're making a career for a very deserving dude or dudette. So what if the sms and call charges are quite high at Rs.6/- per unit? They're not gonna go wasted. ITs all going to nurture talent, right? Or is it?


Okay, so lets do some costing now. I'll try my best to make it a little less boring.


A talent hunt show worth its salt has atleast 15 final contestants. And every week one gets eliminated. So basically the show goes on for atleast 15 weeks. And each week you send in votes.


So lets say 15 wks X 7 lakh votes a week(worst case scenario) X 6 per call/sms = Rs.6.3 crores


The final episode on Zee's Saregama Show had 3.6 crore votes - 3.6cr X 3 X 6 = Rs.64.8 crores


Ad revenue and sale of television rights, which I cannot determine, but I'm assuming that to be more than enough to cover up venue rent, lighting, promotion and other incidental expenses.


Assuming that there are 2000 employees, each earning Rs.25000 per month for 3 months, the total expenditure should come to 15 crores.


Out of the proceeds from calls and sms, lets assume 50% to be paid to the telecom co's

i.e Rs.35 crores.


So that leaves us with a balance of Rs.21.1 crores.


Out of this whopping sum, a meagre 1 Crore (as they claim) each is spent on making the music albums of the Winner and the Runner-Up. And we all know how those albums turn out. Apart from Abhijit Sawant's album, the rest bombed. Look at Amit Sana, Kazi and Rooprekha (man, what a crappy song they got:P), Debojit (who, you ask? :P). And most of them end up as one-Hit (rather one-flop) wonders, who fade into oblivion in a couple of months after the show wraps up.


So 21.1 crores - 2 crores = 19.1 crores.


The winner takes it all.


Only the winner here is not talent, but the shrewd channels.

Monday, 8 October 2007

CHAIN MAILS..READ OR YOU'LL HAVE BAD LUCK FOR 7 YEARS ;)


Got this by mail this morning. Its Really hillarious.

One of the best forwards, definitely...I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who haveforwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004 & 2005 and 2006. Because of your kindness:-



  • I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good onlyfor removing toilet stains.

  • I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS

  • I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

  • I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

  • I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.

  • When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

  • I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl!she's been 7 since 1993...)

  • My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

  • Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama,Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..

  • Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)!

And yet I forward those mails....

Thursday, 20 September 2007

MAJOR PEEVES


Every one has peeves. I have my own set too. Read on to find out if your peeves match mine. I hate: -


  1. The screeching sound of rusted metal on hard surfaces. Like the sound of a mop's rusted rod rubbing against the floor.. Yuck!

  2. The shoddy and third - class advertisements on India TV.

  3. Too many people calling out my name at the same time.

  4. Too many sorry's and thank you's.

  5. People talking too loudly, whether or not on their cellphones.

  6. Guys leching openly at girls, and thinking it makes them look cool...be discreet man, its embarassing for the people who are with you.

  7. Speaking while chewing on paan. Not only is it an eyesore for people speaking to them, but its also not very pleasurable to have red spittle-droplets being showered on you.

  8. Dhoni look-alikes...eeks

  9. Girls who giggle too much, especially when they're in groups. No, seriously!

  10. Navjyot Singh Sidhu on TV. He laughs like a babboon high on laughing gas and rarely lets others speak.

  11. Abhijit Sawant's "Mohabbatein Lutaunga" aarghhh. And then his mouth spray ad - double aarghhh.
  12. The donkey who tries to bray tunes whenever he gets an opportunity, and makes crappy poems on INDIAN IDOL. Oh, his name's Anu Malik, is it?

  13. The "Yeh hai paaya paaya" qawwaali on THE GREAT INDIAN LAUGHTER CHALLENGE. Ought to be used by the police for torturing suspects for third degree interrogations. I guarantee 101% results [:p]

  14. Ravi Shastri and Wasim Akram's "Shaz And Waz" show during cricket match lunch breaks. Let us enjoy our breaks dudes.

  15. Some over-hyping, irrsponsible and judgmental media and news channels.

  16. Bhoot shows on 'NEWS CHANNELS'..sheesh.

  17. Saas bahu dramas on TV. No need to explain why.

  18. Shows like "LEFT RIGHT LEFT", "Sanjivani", "Saara Aakaash", etc that start off promising different kinds of stories, but eventually turn into sequels and remakes of point 17.

  19. TV journalists asking foreign male celebrities, "So what do you think about Indian women?".. What the hell? Are you TV journalists or pimps?

  20. Tele Shopping Network ads. Bizarre. Period.

  21. RGV's films and music in his movies. the song lyrics sound as if they've been forcibly translated from telugu to Hindi. And the movies he makes nowadays give stiff competition to another idiot "Kaizad Gustad's" movies. Poor fella, he's lost it.
  22. Hip-hop videos. Theyre all the same, lotsa gold chains, skimpily dressed gals, and "yeah, yeah" or "yo, yo"

Sunday, 9 September 2007

TOO MUCH FREEDOM?


The Media. Newspapers, magazines, Television, the internet. A powerful and potent weapon. A tool to lend a voice to people deprived of justice. A mighty weapon for mute and meek victims who have been subjected to attrocities and chose to bear it in silence, for fear of being hounded by the oppressors. A channel to keep the naive and ignorant informed about what is happening around the world, even behind the curtains. A boon. Thats what it was meant to be. It sure was a potent weapon when used responsibly. However, as time has progressed, the media seems to have forgotten their greatest commandment, "With power comes Great Responsibilty".

The recent case of Delhi's local news channel Live India's 'Sting Operation' showed us all that perhaps we have glorified the media a little too much and have actually created a monster.

A 'Sting Operation' conducted by Live India proclaimed that Ms .Khurana, a teacher at Sarvodaya Kanya Vidyalaya, Delhi, was involved in the making of pornographic movies, and forced her students to feature in them. The channel claimed to have tapes on conversations between a porn dealer asking for supply of girls, and another tape in which Ms Khurana was said to have forced a student of hers into it. But turns out that it was all a sham. The ploice found out that there was a dispute between Ms Khurana and one of the reporter's friends, and in order to teach her a lesson they fabricated the entire episode. And so the channel made a huge hue and cry about it, and used the false evidence to put down the hapless lady. And yeah, we viewers believed them, coz a tape is a tape and counts as true evidence, nevermind that we don't know about the alleged criminal's background. And all the channels go on freely viewing their respective stories on the subject, and straightaway show the defendant as evil and a criminal, and not as an alleged criminal. The media has seemed to proclaim themselves as judges. The poor lady was mobbed and hit mercilessly, her clothes torn, abuses showered on her from all sides. And no one really cared to see if the allegations were true. Why should they? The news and the media can never go wrong, right? Very few news channels like NDTV and CNBC show mature content. Most of them only want to grab the viewers' attention and will go to any lenghts to achieve their end.

Whenever the government proposes media censorship, the media raises their voices in unison, proclaiming it as a violation of rights and an attack on truth.

But is it truth always? Who is going to control this self-righteous monster? Who is going to remind them about their duties and responsibilties, in these times of TRP races?

http://in.news.yahoo.com/070907/43/6kgto.html

Friday, 10 August 2007

ग़म महबूबा है


आप गईं तो खुशियों ने भी रास्ता मोड़ लिया,
सिर्फ
दस्तक देती है,
छिप जाती है,
हमारी लाचारी पे हँस देती है,
मज़ाक उड़ती है,
और खफ़ा कर जाती है ।


बस आपकी यादों ने बिना इजाज़त के,
हमसे नाता जोड़ लिया,
और ग़म वो महबूबा बन गया है,
जो आँखों में नमी बन जाती है,
नींद को तबाह कर जाती है,
रूह-ओ-ज़हन को फना कर जाती है ।

पर यह ऐसी महबूबा है जो हरदम साथ निभाती है,
रुला तो देती है हमको यह मगर,
आ-आकर हमसे वफ़ा कर जाती है ।

Wednesday, 8 August 2007

LIVE FOR TODAY


Received this mail from a netpal of mine...its really beautiful...



As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.


You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.


You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.


So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.


"Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin." ~anonymous~



contributed by - Natasha G, Holland

Tuesday, 24 July 2007

BOLLYWOOD STEREOTYPES

The hindi film industry. aka BOLLYWOOD churns out hundreds of movies every year. Movies are a reflection of our society, rather they're meant to be. But going by the stereotypes we come across in movies year after year, this is far from the truth.

Allow me to show you some examples.


PUNJABIS

  • No matter which part of the world you go to, if you ever come across a Punjabi, it will always be a Sardarji.
  • All Sardar couples are comical and loud. The whole family are extroverts and can make you feel at home anywhere.
  • Punjabis can break into a Bhangra anywhere, anytime.
  • Go to any Punjabi household, at any time of the day, even in the wee hours, you'll be served 'Makkey di Roti' and 'Sarson Da Saag'.
  • A Sardar has to just say "Jo Boley So Nihaal, Sat Sri Akaal' in hopeless times, and he suddenly turn into a superhero who can pull off almost anything. Some stunts can even put Rajnikant to shame.


SOUTH INDIANS

  • No matter which part of South India you come from, whether you're a Kannadiga or a Telugu or a Malayali, you are a 'Madraasi' in a hindi movie.
  • South Indians eat either Idli or Dosa for breakfast, lunch, dinner, brumch, snacks..........
  • South Indians absolutely cannot speak Hindi well.
  • Southie males are all dark and wear mundus and chandan teekaas, while the females wear kanjeevaram sarees and gajraas 24x7. They all have thick accents.

CATHOLICS

  • Catholic males have only 3 names to choose from - Tony, Robert and Johnny.
  • Catholics are heavy boozers and spend 30 hours a day out of 24 drinking fenny or rum or gin or scotch or whiskey or beer or a cocktail of all the above [:P]
  • They all wear huge crossesround their necks.
  • Females always wear frocks or short skirts and sleeveless tops.
  • Catholic aunties are all widows whose husbands have died due to booze overdose. Ironically, the widows go on to own a Desi Daaru bar and drunkards all over India insist on going to 'Aunty's Bar' only.
  • Their Hindi is terrible. They say 'Karta' for both males and females.
  • Catholics address every thing that has ever walked on the surface of the planet as 'Man'. for eg: "Aye Man, kya karta hai?" can be said to a man, woman or a kid.....or even a dog.

MUSLIMS

  • Muslim men have only 3 names to choose from - Abdul, Ali or Salim.
  • Every village or mohalla has atleast one respected elder called 'Khan Chacha'. He's eternally dressed in white, has a white beard and holds a rosary.
  • Saying 'Ya Ali' makes a Muslim Superman and Batman combined.

OTHERS

  • All Sindhis speak in the same Sindhi accent. Its as if the same dubbing artiste has lent his voice to the actors over a period of more than 50 years. And they say 'Addey Babba' once in 2 minutes.
  • Bengalis say 'Korta Hai', 'Hoodi Baba', 'Babu Moshaai' and 'Roshogolla' million times a day.
  • Nepalis will never lose their Nepali accent, no matter how many years they might have spent in India. Also, they're doomed to be the building watchman or Gurkha. All of them are called 'Bahaadoor'.
  • All people from UP and Bihar are country guys who can speak only in Bhojpuri. And they all rear cattle.

Wednesday, 27 June 2007

ATONEMENT? FOR WHAT?


Are we truly a secular nation? When India and Pakistan parted in 1947, Pakistan assumed the form of an Islamic nation, and we took on the garb of a secular nation, and it was something we took pride in and continue to be proud of. But what happened recently is one of the many instances that makes us hang our heads in shame.


Recently the authorities of the famous Sri Ramanathaswamy temple performed an "atonement pooja" after the local MLA, Hasan Ali, entered into it. All he wanted to do was too see the cracks in the temple's East Tower and report to the State Hindu Religious and Charitable Endowments to carry out repair work. Temple authorities performed "parikara pooja" (cleaning and atonement pooja) to 'cleanse the impurity' caused because of the entry of a non-hindu in the temple precints.


Even last month, temple authorities of the Guruvayur temple in Thrissur district of Kerala conducted a purification ceremony after the visit of Union Minister Vayalar Ravi's son, Ravikrishna, on the ground that his mother hailed from a Christian family. This inspite of the fact that Ravikrishna had been raised a staunch Hindu and had gone to the temple for the 'choroonu' (first rice feeding) of his son.


Its really sad to see such things happen. Why are people from outside the religion or community looked down upon. Does being born in a different community make people children of a lesser God?


An atonement is definitely needed. Whether it involves a pooja or not is secondary. But what requires atonement is our medeivial thinking and our fickle-mindedness.

Thursday, 31 May 2007

A THOUGHT

Came across a thought-provoking phrase this morning. It was pasted on the glass counter of a medical store. Here's how it went -


"THE WORLD IS IN SO MUCH TURMOIL,
NOT BECAUSE OF THE VIOLENCE OF BAD PEOPLE
BUT BECAUSE OF THE SILENCE OF GOOD PEOPLE...."

Wednesday, 30 May 2007

LIFE AS A HYBRID....


A Hybrid? Whazzat?...you might ask.Well a hybrid is someone who'se parents belong to different religious or linguistic communitites or ethnicities. In our country, this might apply to people who come from different religions, castes and states as well. Mixed breed as many might jokingly say. There are quite a lot of hybrids in our nation of 1.2 billion, its just that not too many people are aware of it. In my opinion, I don't even think it should really be important to know this aspect of anyone's background. Anyways...what's an average Hybrid's life like? Read on to be enlightened.


What makes me a hybrid? Well, my dad is a Manglorean Catholic. My mom was a hybrid herself - her dad was a Nair, i.e a Keralite Brahmin, who served in the army. Naani was an Andhra army nurse. She was born a Protestant. So if you look at me, I have all of South India in my blood, except of course Tamil blood. Read through again if you've lost track(I always manage to confuse people with this interesting piece of info, hehe).


You'll also consider me lucky to be able to learn 3 diferent languages,viz Konkani, Telegu and Malayalam, right? Truth is I know none of the above languages. Now, now, it was'nt really my fault - me and my siblings were born in Kuwait, where my mom and dad worked, and where they met, married and conceived us. I studied there till the 3rd grade. Since our grandparents were back home in India, and we all lived in Kuwait, mom and dad conversed with each other in English and Hindi. So these were, and continue to be the only languages we converse in at home.


When we moved to India in 1990, we did get exposed to our mum's Telugu and Dad's Konkani, thanks to the relatives we got in touch with. But somehow we, atleast I, could'nt learn enough of those languages. So, although I can safely say that I can understand what's being said to me in Telugu and Konkani, I really can't reply in the same language. The only sentences I've managed to learn are "Konkani Ullonk Ye na makaa" and "Naaku Telugu Raadu" which translate into "I can't speak Konkani/Telugu." Smart move, aint it?. But thankfully, I won't feel lost if someone speaks to me in Telugu or Konkani.


Being born in Kuwait, we were naturally exposed to Arabic as a subject in school. I learnt Arabic in the 2nd and 3rd grade, which really was'nt much, coz all I remember from those days today is the first lesson we had, and the arabic numerals from 1 to 10. I still remember my first day at school in Mumbai in the 3rd grade, when our Marathi teacher Mrs.Dandekar asked me to stand up and read from the textbook, and all I did was wail loudly because Marathi was an alien language to me and I could'nt understand a word of what I was reading. My Marathi has improved over time, and today, although I might not be fluent in the language, I definitely can have a proper conversation. Can't say the same about Arabic though.


All said and done, I still look at being a hybrid as a blessing. Why? Being hybrid has shown me different colours and flavours of cultures, languages and religions. It has shown me how different they are, and yet how all of them serve a common purpose - to hold people together, as one group, as one family, as one unit and one force. It has shown me the real meaning of unity in diversity. The fact that we are a happy family inspite of the linguistic and community differences shows that love and bonds transcend boundaries. I have learnt to respect all religions. I've visited many places of worship. I've learnt to respect people's faiths and the fact that after all, we are all one. I've learnt to accept differences and have developed an interest in various religions and doctrines. Tried learning new languages. In doing so, I noticed that many of these differences are linked in some way or the other. Learnt how to read Gujarati (thanks to colleagues in office and also owing to its close proximity to the Hindi Devanagri script). Having made friends from different communities - Bengali, Marwadi, Sindhi, Punjabi. Kashmiri, etc, and being exposed to their cultures has taught me a lot. It's a learning experience, and the experience is inexhaustible.


The one real thing that I've learnt, and that encompasses everything I've learnt, is that we are all the same, its just the colour we are shaded in that is different, pretty much like the rainbow. This is what being of mixed parentage has imbibed in me. Hope to continue this tradition while starting my own family. :)

Thursday, 17 May 2007

UNITED WE STAND ???


"Oye, Hum PUNJABI hain, baakiyon ki tarah darte nahi hain"

"Of course we don't eat Chicken. We're pure Brahmins. How can YOU PEOPLE eat non-veg? Chee."

"How come you Don't drink? Are'nt You Catholic?"

"Tum us 'Kaafir' Se nikaah karna chahti ho? Allah ka khauf nahi hai kya?"

"Tum Nepali ho na? Meghalaya se? Haan toh Nepali hi to ho, ek hi baat hai"

"Nice fellow..But he's a non-catholic na?

How many times have we come across such statements? I bet atleast a dozen times each day, whether in our own lives, from people, whether we know them or not, or on television. Have'nt you heard such comments in your school or college classroom, or in street fights, or from your best friend. Our Bollywood blockbusters always have a comical or 'friendly' supporting actor who always happens to be either a proud JAT or a Tamil, or a Muslim, or someone from a particular community, and he or she almost always is shown to proclaim that he's superior to the rest of us, just by virtue or being born in his community. "We're the best, down with the rest" he declares bluntly.

Its nice to be proud of your lineage. Every culture, especially the communities in our country, have a history that goes way back in the past. They have carried the baton of family traditions, way of life, cuisine, music, dances, and other values through the ages. Keeping a culture alive through the ages is no mean task. It definitely makes it worth being proud about.

That many of the traditions practiced then are still practised today goes to show how strong the bind is within the communities. It is these traditions and a sense of belonging and identity that binds members of communities together. It definitely makes it something worth being proud about.

But to proclaim that your lineage makes you superior to the rest is absolutely unacceptable. It is nothing but jingo-communalism. Why is it that people tend to forget that every community has had a history? And why cant people accept that though their communities might have a great heritage, there might be some aspects that are not worthy of being proud about. Every community has its stars and its blots. No doubt we ought to be proud of our cultural heritage, but at the same time we ought to learn how to respect the other's cultural heritage as well.

Our nation is a unique fabric into which pathches of various cultures have been sewn. Each of us are unique, and together we make our national fabric unique. We all together lend our nation an esssence, a fragrance that is so very special and different from any other nation. We are all so diverse and yet we're able to co-exist.

Almost 60 years have passed since we gained independance. But can we really honestly say that we have gained freedom and equality. We have just gained freedom from the British, only to become slaves or our respective Samaaj's and Kaum's. Were'nt those 60 years enough for us to learn to treat everyone else as equal? Why does it so happen that when a person from another state chooses to migrate to another state of his OWN MOTHERLAND for employment, he is frowned upon and sometimes even beaten up or killed for daring to commit such a 'crime'. Sons of the soil they say...does just being born in a particular state make you the owner of the whole state? The British, when they left India, did not break India into too many states, but since they've left, we have kep tearing our national fabric into smaller and smaller pieces, on linguistic, communal, and other such lines. Even today people are identified on the basis of their religion, and within their religions on the basis of caste. It is a 'SIN' to even think of marrying a person from another caste, let alone another religion, no matter how good or mature they both might be or how adjusting they might be. Its already the 21st century, and India seems still frozen in the medieval ages. And we still ask ourselves why we lag behind the other nations?

We ought to change ourselves. Simply assembling together on Independence and Republic Day and announcing "Hum Sab Ek Hain", only to say "Hum JAT hain, tum Madrasi Ho" later on stinks of hypocrisy. We have become a nation of hypocrites. When will we ever look beyond our religions and castes, and other irrelevant differences, and strive to work hand-in-hand for the progress and glory, not of our regions, but of our nation as a whole? How many more nations do we seek to create out of our motherland? When will we stop looking down on our brethren and learn to accept our differences?

The rest of the world has already become cosmoploitan. Look at where USA is today? They too have cultural diversities. People of Italian, Irish, British, African and other origins live together as equals. All have joined hands to work towards a goal, which is not regional but for the nation as a whole. When will we learn and live the same way? It all depends on how we, the new generation choose to take it ahead. The future lies in our hands. We can make or break it.

Only time will tell, if our flag remains a tricolor, or ends up as a color-shade catalogue of a paint company!!

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

DEAR MR. RIOTER


DEAR MR RIOTER,
So you're at it again Mr.Rioter. We're really amazed at the way you're able to get provoked even at the drop of a pin. Truly amazing, the happenings that force a 'sensitive' soul like you to pick up stones, or swords, or anything that you can lay your hands on, and simply attack anything that comes in sight. Whether its Hritik kissing Ash in Dhoom 2, or Richard Gere kissing Shilpa, or an artist expressing his thoughts in an abstract manner, or a writer propounding his theory on what 'must have' really happened in the life of a revered king of the 15th century, or how a religious community propounds its religion. You're always there. What alertness! What sensitivity! What bravery!


So here you are in action once again, this time because there's a new 'Guru', and he chose to hold one of his pravachans dressed like the founder of your religion. Oh, how hurtful! How dare he liken himself to your Dharmguru? He needs to be taught a lesson, doesnt he? So you let all know why you're 'angry' and 'agitated' by speaking to the press. There you were, we saw you smiling, laughing and giggling like teenagers while you burnt the offendor's effigies, garlanded his statues and slapped his posters. You even got hold of a poor donkey who knew nothing about your offendor, and is not even remotely related to him, and you garland the poor animal and hit it.

And we all see how you're enjoying it, cause you're all laughing and guffawing. What seriousness!
Suddenly you realise that no one's taking you seriously. The police has decided to sideline this 'major crisis' you have brought to their notice, and have instead decided to spend their time on 'trivial' issues like rape, murder, loot, etc. This is outrageous. How can they ignore you this way? Even the leaders have decided that to give importance to your issue is a waste of time. You ought to be angry, don't you?

So what do you next, Dear Rioter? You pick up stones and stone anything that comes in sight. Some of your brethren even manage to wield their swords and pistols. We all know you're angry now, that offendor probably does need to be taught a lesson. But hey, we see that you've decided to get some practice for the real thing by attacking public and private property. You've gone to schools and colleges and hit the teachers and principals, forcing them to shut office for the day, or maybe a week. The kids probably needed a holiday since ages, and maybe they'll look towards you as heroes now. You've evn attacked hospitals and ambulances. Well, maybe its because you feel that you're all gonna get lathi-charged and they might put you in these very ambulances for treatment, and you feel that's against your 'shaan' to use ambulance services. What foresight, What heroism!

But let us interrupt your moment of pride, Dear Mr Rioter. We just want to ask you, where do you disappear when we really need you? You're there when consenting adults kiss, but where are you when rapes are committed? Where do you go when a politician's spoilt son goes on a rampage, looting, shooting, groping and raping? Where are you when government offices indulge in red-tapism? We admire your energy and enthusiasm. Why don't some of you join the police and armed forces and try making a difference? I'm sure that if you had used the same energy to do some social work, the world would have been a little less unhappy.

But we guess you might not even be able to read this after all. So this letter might actually be a lost cause. So we're looking forward to see you in action again in the future. And knowing how 'sensitive' you are, we know, that day is not too far off....till then, bye!

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