THE GREATEST 'LOU" SONGS OF ALL TIME

The entire country has been abuzz with news of the loan fraud committed by a certain Mr. Modi (no no...not the 56-inches one!).

For the uninitiated, Mr. Nirav Modi (NiMo), a renowned diamantaire, defrauded the Punjab National Bank to the tune of a whopping Rs.11,600 crore (who comes up with these numbers??) by conniving with a few bank officers to fraudulently obtain Letters of Understanding (LOU), also known as bank guarantees, way back during 2009-11. These were then used to make payments to overseas suppliers. And then, one fine day, everyone realised that he was going bankrupt, thereby putting his own bankers and the bankers of all his suppliers at risk of default.

In a nutshell, NiMo took abused the bank's 'Unconditional LOU' and painted the whole town red a la the Boulevard of Broke-n Dreams.

Sources (absolutely unreliable, of course) tell us that the defrauded banks have all come together for an initiative that they think might help them recover part of the dues. So what is this initiative, you might ask. Presenting, the most fool-proof, lucrative and entertaining initiative possible....*drumrolls*

A MUSIC ALBUM, what else?!

And may I add, the initiative is not juts Digital, but also Cashless (see what I did there? *Wink*Wink*.)

Understandably, the music album is introspective, in that it is centred around the 'LOU-story-gone-wrong' theme. It has some distasteful and detestable catchy and alluring tracks.

Of course, banker's might be the most creative creatures when it comes to interest rates and hidden charges, but they're absolutely hopeless when it comes to composing songs of their own. Therefore, it should not come as a surprise to you that all the tracks in the album sound eerily similar to some very famous songs.

Some of the best tracks in the album are:-

1. I Wanna Know What LOU Is (Inspired by Foreigner's I Wanna Know What Love Is)
This is how it all began...Bank meets NiMo, NiMo meets Bank, NiMo gets flirty, Bank plays along, then NiMo plays a little hard-to-get, Bank pursues, NiMo gets overtly curious about LOU, and we have the recipe for the first track!

2. Take A Chance On Me (Inspired by ABBA's famous song with the same title)
NiMo finds LOU to be the perfect means to implement his nefarious plans. So he woos the Bank and subtly makes a gutsy invitation to other potential suitors as well.

3. Cheap Frills (Inspired by Sia's Cheap Thrills)

NiMo lies through his gutka-stained teeth throughout this track. He keeps insisting "I don't need no money", when that's exactly what he's wanted right from the start.

4. Nothing's Gonna Change My LOU for You (Inspired by Glenn Medeiros'....you know which song, right?)

So the Bank falls for NiMo's charms and finally gives him the LOU he wants and promises to stand by him, even through the worst of times. Sucker!

5. LOU Will Keep Us Alive (Inspired by a song by The Eagles)

Like the Eagles original, a cheesy track. Quintessential lovey-dovey song for couples in their early days.

6. Crazy Little Thing Called LOU (Brazenly copied from a Queen classic)
NiMo eventually realises that LOU is no cheap frill after all. Sample the lyrics -  "This thing called LOU, I just can't handle it, This thing called LOU, I must get round to it, I ain't ready, Crazy little thing called LOU." Too late!

7. Have I Told You Lately That I Owe You? (Shamelessly lifted from a Rod Stewart song)

NiMo finally begins to realise that he's goofed up big time. Guilt forces him to ask the Bank a seemingly innocent and harmless question.

8. I'm So Loan-ly (Shockingly similar to Bobby Vinton's Mr. Lonely)

One more song from NiMo's point-of-view. Guilt-laden or cocky? You decide!

The lyrics go - "Loan-ly, I'm So Loan-ly, Ain't Got No Money, And Now I've Flown!"

9. When You Pay Nothing At All (Ronan Keating wants his royalty cheque)

NiMo fails to service his debts. The Bank doesn't even get faux diamonds. They get nothing at all!

10. You Give LOU A Bad Name (Bon Jovi don't mind...any publicity is good publicity they say)

The Bank finally loses its patience and goes metal-thrashing-mad on NiMo. The lyrics say it all - "Shot Through The Heart, And You're To Blame, You Give LOU A Bad Name, I Played My Part, But You Played Your Game, You Give LOU A Bad Name".

So there you have it folks. Hope you liked the tracklist as much as I did. There are rumours that Banks might also consider releasing a book titled 'Default in Our Stars' in case album sales don't pick up, but I urge you not to pay attention to loose talk.

I humbly request you to treat this information as confidential. And in case you find it hard to keep secrets, please direct those interested in buying the album to me. I could do with some extra income, now that there's news that Indian corporates won't be giving out good hikes this year either.

A big thank you to Purba Ray for having inspired this write-up. Her satirical post titled "2018, A LOU Story" is absolutely hilarious. Go read it! 

Cheers,

CRD

PARWAAZ

Sau Aafaton Ka
Tu Humraaz Hai
Aur Ghairon Ka
Tu Mohtaj Hai
Yeh Duniya
Chaalbaaz Hai Lekin
Zamaane Ka
Yahi Andaaz Hai

Hawaon Mein Goonje
Kuch Alfaaz Hain
Taqdeer Ne Kholey
Tere Raaz Hain
Magar Ae Musafir
Maayoos Na Ho
Zameer Ko Tujhpe
Bada Naaz Hai

Iraadon Me Hi
Teri Aawaaz Hai
Tere Sar Pe Junoon
Ka Sartaaj Hai
Toh Na Dagmaga
Ae Musafir
Teri Azmat Ka
Na Tujhko Ehsaas Hai

Kismat Ko Gar
Tujhse Aitraaz Hai
Muqaddar Bhi Gar
Tujhse Naraaz Hai
Tu Rakh Hausla
Aur Pankh Faila
Ki Ab Teri
Parwaaz Hai

सौ आफतों का
तू हमराज़ है
और ग़ैरों का
तू मोहताज है
यह दुनिया
चालबाज़ है, लेकिन
ज़माने का
यही अंदाज़ है। 

हवाओं में गूंजे
कुछ अलफ़ाज़ हैं
तक़दीर ने खोले
तेरे राज़ हैं
मगर ऐ मुसाफ़िर
मायूस न  हो
ज़मीरों को तुझपे
बड़ा नाज़ है।

इरादों में ही
तेरी आवाज़ है
तेरे सर पे जूनून
का सरताज है
तो ना डगमगा
ऐ बन्दे
तेरी अज़मत का
ना तुझको एहसास है।

किस्मत को गर
तुझसे ऐतराज़ है
मुक़द्दर भी गर
तुझसे नाराज़ है
तू रख हौसला
और पँख फैला
की अब  तेरी
परवाज़ है।

Urdu is such a beautiful language!

A big thank you to Hari Mohanty for allowing me to use his click. Hari is an adventure freak, and loves going on trekking expeditions to the the many forts that dot the Indian state of Maharashtra. This is a stupefying image that he clicked while on a trekking expedition to the Alang-Madan-Kulang forts in Maharashtra, India. Hari is a 23 year old event management professional from Neral, Navi Mumbai. He has a Bachelors Degree in Computer Engineering. Apart from trekking, he is an avid fan of cricket, has interest in computer graphics, and the arts. You can find Hari on Instagram at www.instagram.com/harimohanty

HOUSE-HUNTING

"Go away...you don't belong here."

I had barely even moved into my new home. I was pretty sure there was no one in there when I had made my first move, but had now realised how wrong I was. I had found it exactly where I was told I would find it, and in the same state as was described to me. It lay serenely, draped in marble-esque white, some places turning blue as melancholy, and overall cold as death herself. And yet, it had fresh coats of paint in all the right places. It was perfect.

But suddenly there was a problem. I had been expecting zero resistance. To be fair, Teacher did mention that there could be some presence. However, he had asked me to completely ignore any signals.

"Aaaaarrrggh...GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The shrieks were only getting louder.

I'll be honest...I've never been the type to lose sleep over trivial matters or the odd delusion, but the cries were startling and unsettling. But Teacher had warned against letting my senses and sensitivity blind me. I had to maintain my composure. House-hunting had seldom been an easy game anyway, and I have had to seek help to learn the art. I had lost count of the number of times that I have had to abandon fresh catch. The reasons had been manifold - incompatibility, weakness of structures, and the biggest spoilsport of them all, natural wear and tear. But as the game goes, I had to be patient. So it was only apt that I held on to what I had found and what was now rightfully mine. I casually ignored the voices and got back to getting comfortable in my new home.

But just then, things got even worse.

Two more entities appeared. One of them flashed a blowtorch at my face, while the other started barking strange incomprehensibles while giving me a long deathly stare.

"...behold the Cross of the Lord..."

I instinctively sensed clear and present danger.

So I quickly did what Teacher asked me to do in such a situation. I jumped out of the room through a glass window, with the young woman's body still in my control.

I think I've finally mastered the art of house-hunting.

Teacher will be proud.

Today's image is a click by Pune-based Manpreet Chauhan. She is pursuing a Master's degree in English Literature, and has previously worked as a pre-school teacher. She is an art buff and a loves to dance. Her muse in the pic is Rutika Patel. You can find Manpreet on Instagram at www.instagram.com/mannpreeeet and Rutuka at www.instagram.com/rutikap_

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Welcome to my first post of 2018. Hope the new year has been good for you guys so far. January had been chaotic for me. December was wonderful though - went on a vacation to Jaipur-Fatehpur Sikri-Agra. Posted a few clicks on Instagram. Hope you like them.

Cheers,

CRD